I'm Alan Partridge 1:- Basic Alan

Alan is effectively on lockdown... no not like Coronavirus, but because the Linton Travel Tavern is being refurbished and Alan is the only guest!

Explore the other episodes in I'm Alan Partridge 1!

Read the quotes from this episode!

Susan starts to despise Alan
Don't sing Susan... it sounds baaaaad! Susan the Manager starts to show her discontent with Alan's behaviour by playing a few jokes on him- You'd be the perfect Judas... betray me then kiss me... to which she replies that she doesn't want to kiss, she wants to go the whole way, making Alan feel rrrrraaaaather uncomfortable...

Love's young dream... interrupted
Alan is increasingly jealous of the budding romance between Ben and Sophie, so much so that when the young couple start messing about for 15 minutes he asks for a very complicated lunch request... a sandwich, cheese sandwich, with cooked meat, a hot egg, with a crescent of crisps, and a side clump of cress to be delivered any time... any time in the next 15 minutes...

Alan is bored
Nothing can satisfy Alan- he is completely at a loose end- the sounds of the panpipes... calling his son Fernando to tell him that he is wasting his life for being in bed with a girl... calling Curry's and stating that a basic grasp of latin is surely essential in the retail sector... to the one of the best moments when he walks to the petrol station and buys 12 bottles of windscreen washer fluid whilst singing Goldfinger...

Shitty Zombies
Trying to join in the fun, following being impersonated by Michael, Ben, Susan, Lynn and Sophie, he dresses as a zombie- shower curtain as a cape, tungsten tipped screws for claws (never gonna use em, never gonna use em), biscuits for dry face skin, tomato ketchup for a bloody mouth and the flex off a kettle for a tail. This disguise obviously frightens rather than entertains, only to contribute to the staff's dislike and amusement at Alan's expense.

Cone but not forgotten...
This towering episode culminates when Alan and Michael (I'd like you to lay the eggs you chicken) get apprehended by the police for finding traffic cones and saying look at me I'm a giant witch! This only serves to provide a source of jokey humour by Dave Clifton on the morning breakfast show!

Susan Foley (Linton Travel Tavern Manager)- I'm Alan Partridge 1

Susan Foley- a manager who almost manages to keep her cool to the very end...

Don't sing Susan... it sounds baaaaaaad- says our hero Alan Partridge when he hears the Linton Travel Tavern Manager Susan Foley singing Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush. He then crassly remarks that -You'd think she sounded like an angel... but in fact she sounds like a trapped boy...

Click to explore the other Alan Partridge characters

You would think Susan would clobber Alan for these horrific remarks- along with other such gems as - Tea or Coffee... Tea or Coffee- and when he describes her as a robot working in the hotel with a painted on smile, and a chest full of wires...

Susan does manage to keep her council with Alan, however, she does decide to have some fun at his expense. This comes when she sneakily asks Alan whether -he's getting out (of the lift) here, or going all the way with her- when this is blindingly obvious what she actually means!

However, in the last episode, during Alan's leaving party, she finally explodes in an uncontrollable rage as she has put up with Alan's crap for 182 days (you little shit), and she finally belts him across the face. Even for Alan fans this is completely acceptable- he certainly put her through the ringer.

Barbara Durkin
Susan Foley is played excellently by Barbara Durkin who hails from Steve Coogan's native Manchester. She also appeared in Knowing Me, Knowing You, Brass Eye, Midsomer Murders and My Parents are Aliens. She trained at the Manchester Polytechnic School of Drama.

Alan Partridge Fan Art- Dave Woodcock

Ok, so here is the Ferrari of the Alan Partridge Fan Art world- Mr Dave Woodcock. He started by making rude daubings and realised he had talent that was the tragedy. So he decided to create his own artwork business which you can find by clicking on the below link!

Terrible Cult Artwork (don't say that quickly...)

He also has a Terrible Cult Facebook Book (again don't say it quickly)

I once said it quickly and gave a paper cut to a man from Nestle

I'm Alan Partridge 1:- Watership Alan

This episode Watership Alan provides arguably some of the most quotable Partridge stuff that has ever been written- and we see the birth of the Lady Boy- read on to find out about what those are, although I'm sure many of you will already know! It is episode three in the I'm Alan Partridge first series

Click for the quotes from this episode!

A Room with an Alan
Alan Attraction

Things are starting to look up for our hero. He has managed to land a new gig as the presenter of a promotional boat video for Hamilton's Waterbreaks, but bringing things back down to earth, he is managing to inflame the farmers again... accusing them of producing infected spinal columns... in a bap. 

Initially Alan has been asked to ask his ex wife Carol to film alongside him in the boat video. I find this a little difficult to believe, but it perfectly accommodates Alan and Lynn getting wrapped up together very awkwardly in the telephone cable! During this coming together, Alan 'comes free at the side' but replaces them with the classic 'the boys are back in the barracks!' Instead, he tells Lynn to ring Sol Dangerfield's casting agency and find him a forty year old scorcher!

Ladyboys

When Alan meets the men making the video- expertly played by Simon Pegg and Peter Baynham (affectionately known as Dr. No... vocal chords), we see Alan at his best trying to fit in with these 'lads' from the 1990s. He even creates the finest drinks combination ever made- the Lady Boy- a pint of lager, a gin and tonic and a Bailey's chaser... a drink I have enjoyed many a time, as have most of the Partridgian community! Alan very quickly becomes too drunk to carry on and returns to his room, after which he goes downstairs, has his breakfast, doesn't even wash his hands... cos he's a bloody bloke!

Hamilton's Waterbreaks

While Alan is making the video, we see more classic Partridge quotes such as 'This is a Saniflo 33, and this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier on I threw in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake, not a trace... piece of mind I'm sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board..."

Call Cliff Thorburn

Alan is doing well, but obviously the video ends tragically as he is, by the end, trapped under a a dead cow on the boat and is replaced by snooker player Cliff Thorburn... plus he also ends up making the farmer situation worse by angering Peter Baxendale-Thomas, a big posh sod with plums in his mouth, and the plums have mutated and have got beaks (again played expertly by Chris Morris (genius)) to whom he states that farmers make pigs smoke, and keep 20 foot high chickens inside giant sheds that nobody's allowed in...

Click to see the rest of the quotes from this episode!

I'm Alan Partridge 1- Character Profile... Estate Agent

I pride myself in bringing you not only the most popular characters in the Alan Partridge series.. but every single one!

Here are the quotes for A Room with an Alan

So, here we go! Let's look at the estate agent in A Room with an Alan- played excellently by Mr Phillip Fox! To be honest the only other time I have seen Phillip Fox was when I think he was an optician in a Vision Express (or other such similar mainstream optician) advert about 15 years ago. However, he has featured in a multitude of programmes such as Foyle's War and Midsummer Murders. Interestingly, he played the very first Baldrick in the pilot of the series Blackadder... but alas it was never shown.

Explore the other Alan Partridge characters

So... in Alan Partridge terms he played the estate agent in A Room with an Alan. I would say he played it quite well, allowing Alan to dominate the proceedings as necessary and provided foil for him to provide us with some very memorable quotes such as Yes it's an extender....I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on there... in the 21st century... There's enough room to swing a tiger in here, wouldn't want to though, not unless it'd been stunned... What's this? A cast iron egg tree lacquered, is it included? I mean it's not a dealbreaker but I would like to know. Although overall his best moment was when he pretended to watch Alan's show Knowing Me Knowing You, but hadn't a clue what A-Ha meant...

I'm Alan Partridge 1- Alan Attraction

Michael couldn't have said it better- "Aye Mr Partridge, it's Valentine's Day and love is in the air..." to which we start to see Alan and Michael's strange relationship start to grow as they exchange these pairings where Alan has no idea what Michael is saying, and makes it plainly obvious it is due to his Geordie accent... as he says in A Room with an Alan "Sometimes it is difficult to understand the Geordie... er... people!"

Click here for the Quotes from this episode!

So Alan Attraction... another absolute classic from the Brothers Coogan, Baynham and Iannucci- and I have the feeling that I will be repeating that phrase quite regularly as I wrestle through the Partridge back catalogue.

Chocolate Oranges are Available in Rawlinson's
The episode opens at the end of Alan's breakfast show- Up With the Partridge- where Alan is desperately trying to flog his shop soiled damaged Chocolate Oranges (available at Rawlinson's- I'd love to go there!) and we see more of his radio nemesis Dave Clifton. Clifton at this point seems to be doing very well as he is hosting the breakfast show and looks down his nose at Alan, but Partridgians will know what happens to Clifton over the next few years!

Skeleton Staff at Peatree Productions?
Lynn starts to play a bigger role- advising Alan that unless he makes substantial savings (sacking most people at Peartree Productions) he will be made bankrupt on Friday. Obviously Alan chooses to sack ALL of his staff just so he can have a slightly better car than a Mini Metro- they've rebadged it you fool!

Jill- Do You Like Me Sex Wise?

Despite sacking all of his staff- he still tries his luck with the receptionist Jill- who, he is keen to know 'if the risque comments she makes, is it flirting like middle aged divorcees do... or whether she likes him sex-wise'. When she does we get a classic Partridge 'I'm Batman!'. Soon after, when Jill inquires as to the whereabouts of the rest of the staff, Alan replies that they had gone celebrating, not with the Spice Girls, but at Longstanton Spice Museum!

A Turn for the Worst...

An exciting day follows in the local Owl Sanctuary, followed by a romantic buffet dinner at the Travel Tavern, not from an 8 inch plate, but from a 12 incher! The climax of the evening comes in Alan's room where he had somehow managed to coax Jill upstairs, but he is exasperated by her when she gets chocolate mousse on Alan, the bedspread, the vallance (the skirt thing round the side of the bed...) and that was the end... Jill's contract had been... terminated!

Back of the net! A great second episode in this amazing series and you feel that after episode two- the series is really gaining pace and is the perfect sequel to Knowing Me Knowing You. 

I'm Alan Partridge 1- Character Profile... Ben

Ben (James Lance)

Ben, brilliantly played by James Lance, is the giggling laughing yet charming side kick of Sophie (Sally Phillips). To Alan, these two are symptomatic of everything that is wrong with the Linton Travel Tavern, and to be honest with the world in general. To them, they are young and having a minor fling (which Alan is very jealous of), but to Alan, they are the height of unprofessionality!

Click to explore the other Alan Partridge characters

But Ben is everything Alan is not- young, hip, free, seemingly intelligent, good looking and seemingly great with the ladies. This really annoys Alan and he takes every opportunity to scupper Ben and Sophie's budding romance while he can- painfully so at times.

Is Ben Quotable? Click here for more Classic Partridge Quotes
Whereas Ben himself is not quotable as such, he does lead Alan into some of his best firecracker quotes- maybe some of the best in Partridge history. Such gems as...

-Erm... yes please can I have a sandwich to the room... with a hot egg.... a sideclump of cress.... a crescent of crisps... yeah anytime... anytime in the next ten minutes... (when he sees Ben and Sophie fooling around despite having literally nothing to do!)

-(discussing Kurt Cobain and the Beatles)... which is your favourite Beatles album? Erm... tough one... I'd have to say... the Best of the Beatles... classic.

Despite Alan's earlier misgivings on Ben, he does try to make friends, although unsuccessfully, later on in the series- trying to connect on music- showing off his new Bang and Olufsen Sound System... but thankfully Alan doesn't matter to make his new acquaintance!

James Lance
Lance himself has had minor roles in a range of great programmes such as Teachers, Boy Meets Girl, Absolutely Fabulous, Smack the Pony, Spaced and Steve Coogan's Saxondale. I do however think he has deserved a little more exposure nationally. He is married to Kate Quilton and they had a son in 2018. Awwww