Ah-ha- here are the Partridge Quotes from I'm Alan Partridge 1!!
You can also access (won't wipe) the plotlines from each episode below! Jackanackanory!
I'm Alan Partridge 1: A Room with an Alan
-I did see in the gents a couple of weeks ago that someone had drawn a lady's part... quite detailed, the guy obviously had talent, that's the tragedy.
-I'd love to get my hands on the b*****d... or bitch might be a lady...
-My pillow looked like a flapjack
-Rolled on the thighs of a virgin
-Yes it's an extender!
-Hmmm, cast iron egg tree lacquered... is it included, I mean it's not a dealbreaker but I would like to know...
- Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua... which is french for water...
-It's very Cluedo this house...
-I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on there... in the 21st Century...
-My 5 bedroom bastard house...
-Smell my cheese you mother!
-That was a negative and right now I need two positives...
I'm Alan Partridge 1: Alan Attraction
-MMM a nice big thick slice... of Thin Lizzy
-Very malty
-I can't talk, I've got a fat back... you don't want to see me in my underpants...
-The soaps will withstand at best one aggressive body scrub
-They rebadged it you fool!
-Lynn I can read you like a book, and not a very good book, certainly not Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab
-Just a pipe of Pringles...
-Bash your arse
-I'm Batman!
-Do you genuinely like me... sex wise?
-Do you like owls?
-If you were going to exterminate a bird of prey, the most humane way would be death by firing squad.
-I've been pubic for 31 years... one of the first in my class actually...
-Let battle commence
-What's a vallance??? The skirt thing round the side of the bed!
-Tantamount to vandalism
I'm Alan Partridge 1:- Watership Alan
-Who invented the skip?
- You daft racist
-Kiss my face
-I don't find them attractive... just confusing
-Lynn, I have popped out again... it's not a cry for help.
-Did you say that my wife has left me and is living with a narcissistic sports pimp?
-The boys are back in the barracks
-Cock-a-doodle who?
-Dr No... vocal chords
-Got up, walked downstairs, had my breakfast, didn't even wash my hands, cos I'm a bloody bloke!
- There's the bar gentleman choose your weapons
-They're called Lady-Boys
-She was first in the queue when God was handing out... chests... mammory glands
-OOOOO sex
-This is Saniflo 33. Earlier on I put it in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake... not a trace, piece of mind I'm sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board...
-You make pigs smoke
-You farmers... you don't like outsiders do you? I've seen the big eared boys on farms...
-You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and have got beaks
-You also run over badgers in your tractor for fun
-Call Sol Dangerfield Casting Agency and ask for a 40 year old scorcher...
-I've got an udder on my leg
-Water-way to have a good time
I'm Alan Partridge 1- Basic Alan
-The time, is fifty to six
-Ooooo mince!
-Ruddy hell, it's Softcell
-Don't sing Susan... it sounds baaaad
-You sound like a trapped boy
-Still or fizzy... er half and half.
-Can I have a sandwich please. Cheese with cooked meat and a hot egg, with a crescent of crisps, and a side clump of cress...
-Yachting mishaps... some funny, some tragic
-Free spirits... no change that to Bad Attitude
-Take her to a local fort or a Victorian folly.
-Apropos achieving surround sound... surely you need a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in Curry's.
-Goldfingerrrrr!!!!
-Hands up! Gimme all your petrol.
-Tungsten tip screws... never gonna use em, never gonna use em...
-Slight problem, I was a bit bored so I dismantled by Corby Trouser Press...
-Sack Lynn, for being unloyal, disloyal... and for joining in fun in a way that excludes her employer...
-You've made two glaring errors... 1- Frankenstein is the creator, not the monster 2- Tannoy is a brand name...
-This country...
-You threw a monkey in the sea?
-Check the small print on your cone-tract
-Sweet feet
-I've got a clean licence, yours is dirty...
I'm Alan Partridge 1- To Kill A Mocking Alan
-The Queen is not dead...
-I'm not old! I'm 43 you cheeky get
-A primitive form of Stephen Hawking's voice box
-You're no relation to Robert Maxwell? You're not going to go all fat and steal my pension?
-I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottoms
-What's rude about a body?
-That's bang out of order!
-Move and fire and move and fire!
-Der's more to Eoiland... den dis...
-Sunday Bloody Sunday- really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, the kids are running round, you got to mow the lawn, wash the car and you think Sunday Bloody Sunday!
-Lovely chest... but it's full of wires.
-4 full British Isles Breakfasts please
-What's de big oidea?
-Toothless simpletons, people with eye brows on the side of their cheeks...
-You will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.
-A ghost in the machine there... perhaps a metaphor for... good evening!
-Both clever men but I don't trust them, Jerry Adams looks like a deputy head master, and Martin McGuinness looks like a clown without makeup.
-God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, I'm a homoskeptic
-There's only the one chair, the other one burnt down.
-Ooooo I'd like to kiss her...
-It's an Arielator
-He's losing the battle for wall space
-Chester... near North Wales off the M56
-No way you big spastic you're a mentalist!
I'm Alan Partridge 1- Towering Alan
-That's the behaviour of a dosser and a dwad
-They won't go for the Prime Minister, he's surrounded by bouncers
-182 days in a Travel Tavern
-This is the Qa'ran for the after dinner speaker- I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
-Hands the ancient system for measuring horses, tape measures were viewed with suspicion. Anyone who could unfurl a length of thin sheet metal, would have been killed as a witch.
-Nice plums
-It'd be a good murder weapon, you could beat someone to death, then eat the evidence.
-Fire! Fire! The fayre's on fire!
-I'd throw cabbages, hot bovril and gravel.
-I just hate the general public
-Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?
-All those people who say life begins at 40... they're noticeable by their absence.
-What was he doing on the bloody roof?
-Jurassic Park
-I'd have to say... the best of the Beatles..
You can also access (won't wipe) the plotlines from each episode below! Jackanackanory!
I'm Alan Partridge 1: A Room with an Alan
-I did see in the gents a couple of weeks ago that someone had drawn a lady's part... quite detailed, the guy obviously had talent, that's the tragedy.
-My pillow looked like a flapjack
-Rolled on the thighs of a virgin
-Yes it's an extender!
-Hmmm, cast iron egg tree lacquered... is it included, I mean it's not a dealbreaker but I would like to know...
- Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua... which is french for water...
-It's very Cluedo this house...
-I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on there... in the 21st Century...
-My 5 bedroom bastard house...
-Smell my cheese you mother!
-That was a negative and right now I need two positives...
I'm Alan Partridge 1: Alan Attraction
-MMM a nice big thick slice... of Thin Lizzy
-Very malty
-I can't talk, I've got a fat back... you don't want to see me in my underpants...
-The soaps will withstand at best one aggressive body scrub
-They rebadged it you fool!
-Lynn I can read you like a book, and not a very good book, certainly not Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab
-Just a pipe of Pringles...
-Bash your arse
-I'm Batman!
-Do you genuinely like me... sex wise?
-Do you like owls?
-If you were going to exterminate a bird of prey, the most humane way would be death by firing squad.
-I've been pubic for 31 years... one of the first in my class actually...
-Let battle commence
-What's a vallance??? The skirt thing round the side of the bed!
-Tantamount to vandalism
I'm Alan Partridge 1:- Watership Alan
-Who invented the skip?
- You daft racist
-Kiss my face
-I don't find them attractive... just confusing
-Lynn, I have popped out again... it's not a cry for help.
-Did you say that my wife has left me and is living with a narcissistic sports pimp?
-The boys are back in the barracks
-Cock-a-doodle who?
-Dr No... vocal chords
-Got up, walked downstairs, had my breakfast, didn't even wash my hands, cos I'm a bloody bloke!
- There's the bar gentleman choose your weapons
-They're called Lady-Boys
-She was first in the queue when God was handing out... chests... mammory glands
-OOOOO sex
-This is Saniflo 33. Earlier on I put it in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake... not a trace, piece of mind I'm sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board...
-You make pigs smoke
-You farmers... you don't like outsiders do you? I've seen the big eared boys on farms...
-You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and have got beaks
-You also run over badgers in your tractor for fun
-Call Sol Dangerfield Casting Agency and ask for a 40 year old scorcher...
-I've got an udder on my leg
-Water-way to have a good time
I'm Alan Partridge 1- Basic Alan
-Ooooo mince!
-Ruddy hell, it's Softcell
-Don't sing Susan... it sounds baaaad
-You sound like a trapped boy
-Still or fizzy... er half and half.
-Can I have a sandwich please. Cheese with cooked meat and a hot egg, with a crescent of crisps, and a side clump of cress...
-Yachting mishaps... some funny, some tragic
-Free spirits... no change that to Bad Attitude
-Take her to a local fort or a Victorian folly.
-Apropos achieving surround sound... surely you need a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in Curry's.
-Goldfingerrrrr!!!!
-Hands up! Gimme all your petrol.
-Tungsten tip screws... never gonna use em, never gonna use em...
-Slight problem, I was a bit bored so I dismantled by Corby Trouser Press...
-Sack Lynn, for being unloyal, disloyal... and for joining in fun in a way that excludes her employer...
-You've made two glaring errors... 1- Frankenstein is the creator, not the monster 2- Tannoy is a brand name...
-This country...
-You threw a monkey in the sea?
-Check the small print on your cone-tract
-Sweet feet
-I've got a clean licence, yours is dirty...
I'm Alan Partridge 1- To Kill A Mocking Alan
-I'm not old! I'm 43 you cheeky get
-A primitive form of Stephen Hawking's voice box
-You're no relation to Robert Maxwell? You're not going to go all fat and steal my pension?
-I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottoms
-What's rude about a body?
-That's bang out of order!
-Move and fire and move and fire!
-Der's more to Eoiland... den dis...
-Sunday Bloody Sunday- really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, the kids are running round, you got to mow the lawn, wash the car and you think Sunday Bloody Sunday!
-Lovely chest... but it's full of wires.
-4 full British Isles Breakfasts please
-What's de big oidea?
-Toothless simpletons, people with eye brows on the side of their cheeks...
-You will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.
-A ghost in the machine there... perhaps a metaphor for... good evening!
-Both clever men but I don't trust them, Jerry Adams looks like a deputy head master, and Martin McGuinness looks like a clown without makeup.
-God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, I'm a homoskeptic
-There's only the one chair, the other one burnt down.
-Ooooo I'd like to kiss her...
-It's an Arielator
-He's losing the battle for wall space
-Chester... near North Wales off the M56
-No way you big spastic you're a mentalist!
I'm Alan Partridge 1- Towering Alan
-They won't go for the Prime Minister, he's surrounded by bouncers
-182 days in a Travel Tavern
-This is the Qa'ran for the after dinner speaker- I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
-Hands the ancient system for measuring horses, tape measures were viewed with suspicion. Anyone who could unfurl a length of thin sheet metal, would have been killed as a witch.
-Nice plums
-It'd be a good murder weapon, you could beat someone to death, then eat the evidence.
-Fire! Fire! The fayre's on fire!
-I'd throw cabbages, hot bovril and gravel.
-I just hate the general public
-Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?
-All those people who say life begins at 40... they're noticeable by their absence.
-What was he doing on the bloody roof?
-Jurassic Park
-I'd have to say... the best of the Beatles..
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